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Diary

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Production notes from the Director, Amy Pickard
 


 

May 12, 2002

Woke up to my cell phone ringing at precisely 3:12am. Confused and thinking that I accidentally set the alarm, I answered the alarm clock. No one answered back and I realized that it would be more helpful to answer the phone. It was Bob and he was wired and tired from the long journey. The Cruisemaster was a mere five minutes away from us and safe and sound! He regaled me with stories of the torturous journey….the weather was HELLISH all the way. Unfortunately, Bob followed the big storm front from Oregon to Ohio. Literally. And the windshield wipers gave out midway, but he thought that if he stopped to get them fixed, it could possibly take an extra day to get home and he wanted to get home. During a particularly grueling rain blinding stretch, a trucker honked at him to pull over to tell him that he blew a tire. He had heard a huge scary sound but didn’t think it was a tire since it was taking everything in his power to keep the RV on the road anyway. He was forced to call a repair guy in to change the tire and luckily, there was a spare to spare. I asked him if he was still speaking to me and he laughed and said yes. He told me he thought the RV journey would be an adventure, (which it was) and that it’s all going in his book someday. Sadly, it was a stressful adventure. We agreed to meet the next morning and I went back to sleep feeling unbelievably relieved and unbelievably grateful to Bob for being such a cool truck driving man!

Woke up to Glenn extolling the virtues of the hotel’s "delicious breakfast." Sometimes being with Glenn in the morning is like Groundhog’s Day! Thankfully, he left the room and I snuggled back under the covers. Glenn returned not five minutes later with Pete who joined him in an ad-lib "get the hell up and come to breakfast" song. Jeff and Gill then came to visit and it was a grumpy party in my room. Gill did the right thing and crawled into bed with me while Pete and Glenn were chatting non-stop and dancing. Unscrubbed, we all mustered up some energy to go down to breakfast. Chicks at one table complaining about how annoying two members of our party were and dudes at the other….chatting non-stop. With the exception of a very quiet, polite Jeff. Now I know why Jeff and Gill have been married for so long. Jeff knows how to behave that early in the morning!

After breakfast (which wasn’t so delicious), we all scrubbed up and packed the minivan. Unfortunately, a mild, torrential downpour started up jiffy quick, soaking all of us. I’m glad I decided to forego drying my hair. As each of us took turns dashing out to the van with a bag and then dashing back for another, a trucker stopped to chat with us. He was accompanied by his very precious dog named Rusty who was very excited by all of our activity. Rusty was half Beagle and half Golden Retriever, which makes the most adorable doggie combo imaginable. Rusty was full of love for all of us and the trucker told me fun Rusty stories. He called the dog his ‘son’ and says that he travels with him wherever he goes. Sometimes at truck stops, he lets Rusty out first and trusts him enough not to run away. Rusty usually goes out and makes friends. I felt a bit bad since I had seen the trucker earlier in the hallway and thought that he could easily be a serial killer. He had tanned, leathery skin, dirty jeans and a baseball hat. His build was scrawny and you could tell he was a real hardened guy who has dedicated his life to the road. The twang in his accent brought to mind a scene from Deliverance. However, as I sheltered from the rain, we started chatting about Rusty in the doorway and it was clear that he was just a cool trucker. I felt slightly proud when I could actually talk some highway talk with him. After all, I had traveled through square states and ended up in Dayton!

Thankfully, the rain stopped and we made our way over to Bob’s house to be reunited with the RV. Since it is a few yards away from my Granny’s, I phoned her to ask if she minded us parking in her driveway and sorting out the RV. She said she didn’t mind and I wondered if her 84 year old self could handle the Glenn vortex. As I drove around Bob’s house, Glenn was like a kid waiting to catch a glimpse of his beloved RV. Glory lay ahead….yonder past the tree….the back of the Cruisemaster was visible and as we pulled into the driveway, she was standing loud and proud right next to us. I had mixed emotions. On one hand, I remember the glory days…cue montage with soft lighting as ‘The Way We Were’ plays….the day Glenn and Zan picked out the Cruisemaster, the deal coming through and telling Glenn that he was now a proud RV-er, decorating the RV with Xmas lights, driving all day and then arriving at the camp site, all four of us drinking red wine and watching a
DVD, watching the meteor shower in South Carolina from my RV bed, Glenn playing the guitar in the dark while Hans drove…sigh….them were the days. On the other hand, I remember sitting in the back of the RV on my own on a rainy day in Portland with poor Fred the mechanic underneath the front wheel. Shake it off, Amy! Back to the montage please.

Bob came out to greet us, slightly weary but cheerful nonetheless. I haven’t seen Bob in a million years and he looks exactly the same. I gave him a big hug and just thanked him profusely. I introduced him to Glenn and Suzanne who were so grateful that the RV was delivered to them safe and sound, they seemed ready to touch the hem of Bob’s garment. After about two seconds of bonding with Bob, Glenn disappeared to be reunited with the Cruisemaster. He boyishly showed his pals the vehicle of his dreams (well, when it works it's the vehicle of his dreams) and everyone got the grand tour. Suzanne and I went inside with Bob to sort out his receipts for expenses and such and I began to tell Suzanne the story of how I knew Bob. I told Zan that I knew Bob’s sisters Carrie and that I knew Bob’s sister Amy and before I could continue with the family tree, Bob interjected, "And she slept with my brother Jake." STOP IT RIGHT THERE MISTER. Cue shock, horror and adamant denials. Bob started laughing and refused to believe me as I was telling everyone within a five mile radius that I did NOT sleep with Jake and to take it a step further, I never even kissed him (with or without the tongues!). So let it be known I did not do the deed with any member of Bob’s family. I did, however, take Jake to my junior prom where we dined on the finest of meals at my Granny’s country club, prommed the night away, went to my house to watch movies until the wee hours and then I took him on his paper route in the morning. That’s just the kind of cool party chick that I was in high school.

We said our goodbyes and I begged Bob to write a little diary entry on his experiences behind the wheel of the beast. He promised he would (but I haven’t seen it yet) and he showed me the most hilarious digital photo of him-taken whilst on the road. The self timed photo showcased the steely look of determination and grit that it took for him to deliver the RV across the country. That look could also pass for insanity but I think the Cruisemaster lends itself to such feelings quite easily. Still waiting for Bob’s picture and you can bet that it will be posted the second it arrives.

We drove the very short distance over to my Granny’s and the vortex commenced! While the troops were unloading the van and loading up the Cruisemaster, I took the laundry into the house. I knew it was going to take a while to sort the RV out, so we washed the sheets, blankets and towels in the RV along with everyone’s bits and bobs. Granny was fantastic and helpful and I felt bad for imposing but she was such a sport, it filled my heart with joy and love. I put a load in the wash and told her that we were going to go to the grocery store to stock up the fridge and that we’d be back in an hour. I told her not to put the stuff in the dryer since she’s 84 but she told me not to be silly, she’d take care of it.

Took the gang to the local grocery store where a very confused Jeff proceeded to circle the aisles in a perplexing fashion. I don’t think he’d ever been in an American grocery store (the big honkin’ kind) and he was a bit in awe. He was adorable and asked me to help him pick out a box of cereal. "Amy, I just want one with flakes and raisins." Bless him. Wait a minute…I’m sensing a theme here…Jeff being confused…hmmmmm…I shall withhold judgement. Zan was adorable as well picking out a can of parmesan cheese. You know the kind-the faux cheese in a green can by a certain company that also makes neon orange macaroni and cheese for 29 cents…..I promptly told her that her choice of cheese in a can was the wrong one and advised her to buy the real fresh stuff. Glenn and Suzanne bought some flowers for my Granny since it was Mother’s Day and I got a card that all of us could sign. The English folk were dumbfounded over the fact that they couldn’t get hard liquor for the RV mixed drinks party they had planned, but I had to explain the Sunday liquor laws of Ohio. Meaning, you can’t get none where we were. Glenn and I chatted while the groceries were being packed and I just looked at him with a frown-y face….they were leaving me shortly! Sniff sniff.

As we unloaded the groceries from the car, Doug pulled up to see the gang off and to retrieve his car that I had been driving. Doug and I were convoying it back to Chicago together. He had his car and I was driving the gigantic van in order to return it to the airport in Chicago before I fly back to LA. I went to get the laundry from Granny and as I entered the house, there she was fanning herself in front of the tv. Oh my god, I thought. I’m killing Granny with Glenn’s laundry. She assured me that she was just a little hot from going up and down the steps. As Granny sorted out the sheets and towels, she handed me Zan and Gill’s thong underwear and said, "This is
funny! I don’t know why they bother wearing anything at all. How do you fold something like that?!" I had to laugh since I think it was Granny’s first experience with thongs. And it was probably her last as well, come to think of it. Sheets done, blankets in the dryer and a few shirts hanging, I went back out to the RV to help. The whole gang signed the card and I took the flowers into Granny. I got the card and said to her, "I want to see what they wrote." And she said, "Good. Maybe you can tell me too." Gill and Zan wrote something like "Thanks for washing our smalls!" and Glenn wrote, "Will you be my US granny too?"…Granny was clearly pleased and I thanked her again. She said, "Don’t mention it kid. I’m getting a kick out of your friends! It’s fun!" What a sweetie!

Glenn asked Doug to come aboard the Cruisemaster and Doug shot me a look that said, "How did you ever live in such a tiny space with them and do a movie?" I nodded in understanding and as Doug climbed down the RV stairs, he practically twisted his ankle. Glenn said that everyone needs some sort of foot injury on this tour and little did we know that Suzanne would be the next victim. (she later sprained her ankle in NYC!) Glenn, Fred and I are proud yet unwilling members of the Hopalong Club this time out and I’m wondering if the RV is through with its ‘curse’. I hope so. Granny suggested I cut some lilacs from the bushes in the backyard for the RV, so while I went to town with the scissors, Doug got on the make and do project of constructing vases out of water bottles and Gill and Jeff chewed the fat with Granny. (charming her all the while. Gill said to her, "I bet my knickers are going to be the talk of the beauty salon next week Granny." Granny was laughing so hard at their kooky English ways, I saw her wiping tears from her eyes.) Jeff and I had a zipping-up-of-sleeping-bags contest, which he won (only because I let him) and I hit my head on the pull down bed over the driver’s seat just for old time’s sake. When we shot the movie, I hit my head a record five times in one day, Glenn hit his head two or three times and Zan and Hans remained bump free. I giggled over the memory of Glenn turning to me after we had both come back from the shower and said, "How is the bump on your head?" since I had just realized how HUGE and tender the bump was when I washed my hair. I have no excuses of red wine excess, either; I just always hit my head on the damn thing. Duh.

The lilacs smelled delicious and I put some in the front and a bunch in the back. Laundry was done, everything was put away in its rightful place and Pete was having a beer in the front seat. I think he felt it was his duty to start the party early and I couldn’t help but feel a little pang of jealousy over the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to go with them the rest of the way, especially since they were all headed to Buffalo Bill’s. Bill had many fun things in store for them and I wish I could be there! I was also slightly bitter over having to drive the five hour journey back to Chicago on only a few hours sleep. Glenn gave me a card saying, "Someone left this for you." I didn’t open it since I didn’t want to get mushy but I was really touched. I took the whole gang into the house for last minute bathroom stops. I said, "Glenn, you go upstairs. Jeff, you go to the one downstairs." Granny laughed and said, "Wow..look at her giving orders!". Glenn made a snappy comment back saying "She’s good at that!" Guilty as charged. I boss because I love.

I must say it was a bit strange to see Glenn rapping with my Granny in the house that I have known all of my life. It’s always a bit weird when someone in your professional life crosses over to your personal life. In the past, I would always see Glenn in his environment: at a gig or backstage or something and it always seems funny to me when he’s in my house in LA or in my Granny’s house in Dayton! Very strange. But good strange. Granny got hugs from everyone and then I gave everyone a big hug goodbye and waved them off as I got in the van. Doug was behind me in his car and we drove away. I got the card out at the first stoplight and got a little teary reading it…they all thanked me for everything and were just unbelievably sweet. "Bless them" I thought and then looked in my rearview mirror to see the RV. No sooner had I clocked them then the phone rang. It was Glenn. "Do you miss me already? Why are you following me to Chicago?" I laughed. They were
unsure of how to get back to the highway and so they just followed me. DUH. As I went left, I told them to go right since we wanted different highways and I yelled goodbye to them as they passed me. I miss them already!

Doug and I decided to stop for lunch at Frisch’s Big Boy, one of our favorite Dayton only eateries and after eating a Big Boy (with a special sauce that I want to bathe in, it eats so good), I was ready to nap. I was so drained I did not think there was any way in hell I could make the journey to Chicago. Doug and I got on the highway, I hit cruise control, put the heat on (a lethal combination) and struggled to maintain eyelid control. Mother Nature took care of quickly waking my ass up with the most evil, dangerous thunderstorm I’ve ever driven in. I literally could not see in front of me and it just came out of nowhere. I can’t even imagine what poor Bob went through when he drove the RV in weather this bad. I called Doug on my cell phone and said, "What is up with this CRAZY rain?" He said that we would have to pull over and wait it out, which was music to my ears since I thought I’d have a wee nap. Unfortunately, the rain stopped just as I envisioned zzzz’s coming out of the top of the van. Fortunately, it stopped because it would’ve been dangerous to continue. I found a groovy public radio station featuring an old Atlantic Blues artist (I think it was Chuck Willis) which kept me in good spirits the rest of the way.

Arrived safely at Mom’s and Doug and I snacked and chatted and relayed the whole Dayton saga to her. I couldn’t stay awake a moment longer at this point so collapsed into bed. I was supposed to see Jake, Bob’s brother the next day since he was in town which was going to fun. I couldn’t wait to tell him all the stuff that happened on tour. I was only out on the road for two weeks but it seemed like a year. It was tiring but I also never laughed so much in my life. I think I’m turning into a road dog. Is the road my lady? Fell asleep wondering if the RV made it out of Ohio.

 


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